Final Day Eve

 It's Final Day Eve and it was a doozy.

I had my last (for this trip) interstitial treatment into my liver and bagel bite.  

(Bagel bite is the little tumor in the soft tissue of my back.  The 2019 tumor was named "The Bagel" after I got the measurements and the largest dimension was just under 10 cm.  Being a proper American, I googled "how big is 10 cm?" and up came a cervix dilation chart with descriptors from 1 cm to 10 cm. Thank you, internet. 10 cm--bagel.  I haven't returned to the chart to figure out what 2ish cm is because "bagel bite" just seemed like it named itself.  But I digress...)

Because both sites were treated today, I had to be on my side.  No matter how comfortable this positioning starts, it's not going to end that way.  Lefty had to take the IV catheter today, but cramping was a minimum.  I've figured out if I didn't move it at all, it will feel like absolute lead, but won't cramp.  Movement--the fatal flaw in the system.  Liver was a champ, yet again.  For those curious, the needle and fiber optic used for this site is 3.5" and gets threaded between my ribs.  Bagel bite has a short little needle, however, it's NOT a fan of being poked.  We gave it last week off because it responded so robustly to the first week.  All was calm and well by today, so we decided to go for it again.  Poke the proverbial bear.  

The lidocaine really is the worst part, but today was extra spicy around bagel bite.  Because the liver was already "installed" there was no moving allowed.  I didn't realize this could trigger claustrophobia, but it kind of did.  I had a very slow-shallow-breathing cyclic conversation with myself about how sometimes it's a fine line between being a coward and being brave.  Yes, it is an option to be sedated, but there's something very cathartic about being awake.  My liver is a damn boss and just takes instructions and handles it.  For some reason, there's a lot of emotion with bagel bite.  Even though it's a triggering little shit, I have to respect it and let it do what it needs me to do.  Unexpected triggers, weird dreams, catharsis.  Thanks, BB. 

We're going to the clinic just for the morning tomorrow for the big doctor's meeting-- next steps, how it's gone so far, what to do while at home, payment, when to come back to Mexico, etc.  

I'm definitely ready to go home--my left arm alone is like, "girl, I'll pack everything up right now all by myself, just don't poke me again!"  Being free from the IV tree will be a whole new freedom.  I can't get too wild with exercise for a little bit, so I'm thinking Sit And Be Fit is a good start.  (I'm not sure if that's a joke either...) I don't think it's a surprise to anyone at this point to hear the experience has been life altering, and will continue to be.  To know that there are options exist that align with my sensibilities and that I've found them is a true gift.  If there's one thing I could wish for everyone, that would be it.  

Because you're pretty damn photosensitized and should probably stay out of the sun for a minute...



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