Home! (again)

Oops.  

I really do have every intention of getting home and at least doing one more post to say I'm home--wouldn't that wrap it up nicely?  Of course it would, but no, then I don't do it.  In defense of my attention span, we woke up at home on my mom's birthday, my brother and sister-in-law arrived to surprise her (and us!), and that's way more fun and important than ticky typing a blog with my whereabouts.  Evidence of fall: pumpkin carving, end of the flower field, fuzzy horses, and a melting cat.





Though, in truth, I did write a furiously long post, then reread it and deleted it.  I was remembering a consult I had with my original surgeon in WA.  This was last summer when liver and bagel bite joined the party and I wanted to talk to him about surgery, as it seemed to be the best option at the time.  He summarized my questions and concerns and replied with, if you're trying to avoid (physical) pain, you're not going to be able to.  Cancer and suffering go so hand in hand that we're not even trying anymore.  At the time, it really made me mad and I took my cancer and went home.

Since then, I've waited for a better way.  Not in avoidance of pain because, if I've learned anything, healing can be a lot of things, but comfortable isn't it.  Waiting sucks, even when waiting is the most appropriate choice.  I've chosen the slow burn (historically, this is my jam), and there's no space for impatience.  Instead of one big choice, it's millions of tiny relentless decisions that keep me in alignment to what feels right.  It feels glacial, expensive, and sometimes a bit of a traveling circus, but it undoubtedly feels like progress.  

I'm incredibly grateful to everyone that had contributed and shared the GoFundMe.  The algorithm has taken some figuring--I'm surprised pretty much daily with someone that is just discovering the blog or the GoFundMe.  Oh, internet....your ways are mysterious.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for continuing to share the links to both.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/9tqu9d-emilys-healing-journey

www.thereisnostagefive.blogspot.com

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