Curious consumption

Like everyone, I have phases where I want education--I can't take in enough information, more is more.  Then there's a time to sit with that information.  Input is minimal because what I've already been given is processing.  My body has hung up a Do Not Disturb sign and is processing, but my brain is in curious consumption mode.  

The joy of going slowly

There wasn't a conscious moment where this changed, but my mindset for doing stuff is evolving.  If there's an opportunity to move more slowly through something, I do it.  I look at things a little longer, allow silence to have more time, I stay in discomfort for an extra breath.  This is starkly opposite to where I've lived for a very long time.  Success was measured by getting through a to-do list, and more success was surely getting through a to-do list that seemed impossibly long.  How efficient, how productive!--how stressful and hectic!  I'm not without to-do lists now, but success isn't getting through it, success is being present in it.  Curiously, moving more slowly doesn't always equate to taking longer.

A truly inspiring study of leisuring

Health vs wellness--not synonyms.  

I've always been quite healthy and, even with cancer, have only gotten healthier.  But I haven't always been well.  What's the difference?  Health is my physical stats: the number on a scale, my blood values, my number of steps taken in a day, the number of calories I consume vs exercise.  On the whole, health?  Check, she's got it.  Wellness, however...  Health is part of wellness, but wellness is much more than health.  Wellness also includes my mental state and emotions, my environment, my joy and purpose, my financial security, my social network, my support system, my resilience.  It's a case of "you don't know what you don't know."  I didn't know that being healthy wasn't enough to be well.  

Left vs right

I've done A LOT of reading about leiomyosarcoma in the last 4 years, but I only recently learned that the original location and site of metastasis tend to all be on the right side of the body.  In a google hail mary, I found that there is a well documented observations that the two sides of the body hold different energies--much in the same way as the two hemispheres of the brain can have different tasks.  How it's described is the left side has more "feminine" energies and the right side has more "male" energies.  

Some left sided characteristics are: non-linear, nurturing, moon, dark, flowing, slow, intuitive, patient.  Some right sided characteristics are: linear, protective, sun, logical, fast, disciplined, confident, focused.  Living is a balance of SO many things, but balance is dynamic, not one holy grail point to hold still in.  The thing about a dynamic system is that it's always changing towards AND away from balance, but once out of balance too extremely and for too long, wellness starts to suffer.  

Being the weirdo

By trying to turn about stage 4 leiomyosarcoma, I'm trying to do something that hasn't been documented to have ever been done.  I learned this at the beginning of my cancering process--if you're doing something that's never been done, you're going to have to try things that have never been tried before.  There is no normal here, there's no expectation, but I can take the opportunity to explore every weird little corner to learn as much as possible about my whole human self.  

A fundraiser and a hardship grant:

You'll probably already know that I'm hosting a fundraiser auction to help with my cancer treatment.  It's been a great project that has connected me with so many generous, creative people that are also in alignment with my journey.  https://www.32auctions.com/thereisnostagefive The auction ends on Sunday February 12th at 9PM PST. Enjoy!

On the heels of the fundraiser, I've been working on creating a hardship grant that will be available to Region 6 dressage trainers that are temporarily unable to work due to illness or injury.  This is very much still a work in progress, but it's coming together and I have met some wonderful people that are helping guide the process.  I have high hopes for it to be able to make a significant impact for our community.