No lotus without the mud

I had a dream a few nights ago that my body was giving me a tour of...myself.  I entered a room that was offensively white, including the cabinetry along the back wall.  "What's this?" I asked my body.  "This is where we keep all of the tools," it said proudly, as everything was clearly organized and tucked away fastidiously.  I paused.  "Why...why aren't you....WHY AREN'T YOU USING THE TOOLS?!?!?"  My body had been squirreling away the tools for a rainy day, for in case of emergency, for time of thinning resources.  BODY, HELLO???  *sounds alarm* USE YOUR DAMN TOOLS!!!

Anyway.  So, my body is just a crow collecting shiny things to smile at.  That's how it's been going lately.  

My latest CT has sort of a mixed result--just because staying in the muddy grey area has become quite homey.  The awesome news is there's no evidence of spread, and bagel bite, though being mostly ignored at this point, hasn't changed much.  The liver lesions, however, are on a bit of a power trip.  Interpretation somewhat TBD, as my images need to go to Mexico to be read within the context of the treatments I've had.  The out-of-context read is that all 3 lesions are larger, but there's also a significant area of necrosis in at least one of the lesions.  

In the meantime, I'm using the tools that I already have and I'm casting a wider net.  More appointments, more consults, pushing my diet back toward the keto end of the scale, and being more liberal in my mistletoe dosing.  Before Mexico, I was really tired of having to manage my making-little-decisions-self  and needed help.  I got exactly what I needed at the time, but now is the moment to take back the reins and use the knowledge, connections, and options that I have gathered and have on the calendar.  

Sometimes I wish at these various forks in the road, I'd decide to choose Easy St instead of a right turn on Mysterious Dr off of Intriguing Way, but that's pretty much against anything I've ever done, so why start now?  


Take thine reins and go forth--tis the wild, wild west!


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