There Is No Stage Five

I had a dream a few nights ago that my body was giving me a tour of...myself.  I entered a room that was offensively white, including the cabinetry along the back wall.  "What's this?" I asked my body.  "This is where we keep all of the tools," it said proudly, as everything was clearly organized and tucked away fastidiously.  I paused.  "Why...why aren't you....WHY AREN'T YOU USING THE TOOLS?!?!?"  My body had been squirreling away the tools for a rainy day, for in case of emergency, for time of thinning resources.  BODY, HELLO???  *sounds alarm* USE YOUR DAMN TOOLS!!! Anyway.  So, my body is just a crow collecting shiny things to smile at.  That's how it's been going lately.   My latest CT has sort of a mixed result--just because staying in the muddy grey area has become quite homey.  The awesome news is there's no evidence of spread, and bagel bite, though being mostly ignored at this point, hasn't changed much.  The liver le

Like everyone, I have phases where I want education--I can't take in enough information, more is more.  Then there's a time to sit with that information.  Input is minimal because what I've already been given is processing.  My body has hung up a Do Not Disturb sign and is processing, but my brain is in curious consumption mode.   The joy of going slowly There wasn't a conscious moment where this changed, but my mindset for doing stuff is evolving.  If there's an opportunity to move more slowly through something, I do it.  I look at things a little longer, allow silence to have more time, I stay in discomfort for an extra breath.  This is starkly opposite to where I've lived for a very long time.  Success was measured by getting through a to-do list, and more success was surely getting through a to-do list that seemed impossibly long.  How efficient, how productive!--how stressful and hectic!  I'm not without to-do lists now, but success isn't getting th